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Hollywood is full of love stories in nearly every film. Love stories that are about finding the right person, and after that, it’s smooth sailing. Love is beautiful. Love feels amazing. Love, however, is not something that just happens. It never has been, and it never will be. That part of the fairytale is an absolute lie.
Yes, a lie.
Falling “in love” exists, but what we need to in cover here is the difference between feelings of love, and true love itself.
Real love is an action, and real love is developed and maintained by consistent actions and effort.
Real love can only exist when then the “in love” feeling begins to fade away. Absolutely, hands down, it will fade away.
Your feelings will change.
Not knowing this simple fact right here is leading many Muslim couples to divorce.
One day, you will wake up, and look at the person next to you and wonder if you made the right choice. Believe it or not, this is normal.
And chances are you didn’t make the wrong choice. It’s just that the in-love feelings are beginning to fade. The rose colored glasses are beginning to become clear, and you now very clearly see you married someone who is very much human. You married a man who has flaws, weaknesses, needs, and makes mistakes. You may begin to discover that you don’t seem to agree on anything anymore, that you have different preferences, and that things don’t feel as fun these days.
I know what you are thinking. “That won’t happen to me because…”
Because you will defy the laws of true love? You can, and you will find yourself feeling very much unloved.
Here is what is great about what I am telling you. When the lovey-dovey feelings begin to fade away, the opportunity for tremendous growth becomes available to you and your marriage.
Real life begins, and alhamdulellah for this. Remember, that marriage is not an end goal in and of itself, but rather a means to get you closer to Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala. One must assume that this person who is to become one of the most significant people in your life is going to be here to test you as well.
Tests are given to us to reveal the true nature of our hearts. So with a kind and loving husband, you are being tested in your consistency to be grateful, pleasant, and your willingness to sacrifice in return. In moments where your husband and you feel like you are on opposite side of a valley you are being tested in your patience, willingness to put your ego down and work through a challenge in the best of manners.
In all circumstances there is an opportunity before you.
The reality, however, is that many people are not prepared for these opportunities. When they arrive they begin to think their fairytale is actually a nightmare, and they are in the wrong role.
Fairytales lead us into a world of beauty, where love conquers all. Fairy tales, aren’t just the stories we read or watched as children. They are the magazines, the love songs, the movies, and the buzz that fills our minds and hearts on a daily basis. The problem with all of these sources is that they severely lack depth.
The human experience is a complicated one. One day we feel happy, the next down in the doldrums. One week the world is beautiful, the following, the world seems a dark and frightening place to be. One day your husband is Mr. Perfect, the next day an insensible jerk (even if you feel it for 10 minutes only!)
Nothing in this life is constant but change.
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